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Saturday, February 11, 2012

A careful hunt on ebay and I turned up these new and vintage silk scarves to keep me warm. Something for every occasion. Today we took the puppy out on her first jaunt on the leash with a collar, and I wore a white one with a Pac Bell Stadium baseball cap. Lots of ironing, but it is soothing work. Gwendolyn escaped her collar but we caught her -- she has no idea the dangers of bikes, golf carts or cars -- and a HUGE dog came sidling up to her in a golfcart!

Friday, February 10, 2012


This is the view outside my friend's apartment in Istanbul this morning. She lives there with her husband (an Instanbul CIA type) and teaches English preschool and practices karate and other mixed martial arts. It is difficult for her, as an "outsider" she (as a non-native Turk) has never met her husband's family and the relationship is  totally secretive. I have a new perspective on her life now. Today we ruled out pneumonia for Cannon, but both children tested positive for flu (nasal swab) so I went into CVS with a mask,  hat and sunglasses and felt like a bank robber. While I was registering Cannon for his Chest Xray the lady made me take off my hat and glasses (yeah, it is me) which made me feel like a criminal. Not unlike the feeling when I was returning from Miami recently where I had been teaching on the ground (vs. online like I normally do) and I had my hands and fingers swabbed for traces of explosive. Am I explosive? I hope not. I try very  hard to remain calm, cool, and collected. To the jerk on 49 N who would not let me over and then passed me twice, "calm down man!" we;ll all get there in the end.

Stardate 02102012 (what a number!)

Thursday, February 9, 2012

My lesson(s) learned for the day. Everyone is unique, and as such, they all react differently based upon their own "worldview" to the circumastances presented to them. We all need to be mindful of the reactions we may trigger (unconsciously or not) ... whether the loss of hair, or a child, or any illness the reminds others' of times they would rather forget. I must admit it would be easier to crawl into a shell and hide and avoid all this "sturm und drang" but then I am reminded (by this beautiful photo posted above and taken by my classmate and friend Erik Colasanti in Santa Cruz -- we must all may our own way through this deep and mysterious path of life.... and here is an angelic mermaid trying to show me the way. Morrigan, be strong!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Before and After.....

OK, you should have seen the looks I got at the hair place.... The bald photo was taken by the lady behind me at the line at the post office where I was mailing the hair off. Then I looked at the photo and burst into tears. Amazing how much your identity can be tied to something so stupid and materialistic as hair. Puts life into f******g perspective. I am just glad I have a head and the opportunity for it to grow back on, and it will, and I don't even care if it is all gray. I'll finally be a toehead (or is that towhead? -- I never knew but read to find out the interesting reasoning) again like I was until Isobel was born.... Flaxen headed..... Enough staring today to last me a lifetime. Note to self: It is cold without out hair when it is raining -- I didn't even think to put up my hoodie!

02072012. At this point I look forward to Valentine's Day 2013. A year will be gone and this will be over by then, I hope.

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Patriots lost, and Cannon arrived home with fever, chills, general malaise and a shaved head -- which was a shocker -- we had talked about it (I thought we were doing it together) but it was a shock to see it in reality -- no longer can I convince myself that this is all a big dream.... my mane (or tail, as I used to call it when it was longer, and I measured it by the number of over-unders it took to do my braid -- 22 at its longest just after Cannon was born) will be shorn tomorrow. I am sure to be cold so I have got a few "skull caps" to keep warm at night -- of course Gwendolyn the puppy picked the Norwegian style one (it has braids for goodness sake!) and absconded with it..... the French Beret style was much less attractive. I have no idea how to tie a scarf so Isobel and I will have to practice. A trip to the DMV (to get her driver's permit so she can take official driving lessons) and picking up a used chest freezer for the garage since my cooking interests have diminished exponentially since starting this process.... Someday my hair will look once again like the beautiful mermaid Lisa painted -- and I can be like Lady Godiva (if I ever have a horse again).

As always, too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. I HAVE to lower my expectations.... its ok not to strive for an A+....


Sunday, February 5, 2012

My iron has been busy -- smoothing wrinkles out of long unused scarves. My fingers are flying and I am grading like mad -- and just as happy that the super bowl is coming on. Nausea is rampant and hope that my ginger chews arrive soon. Nice fire going, that slightly eases my headache. Very dizzy --- driving is questionable. Sign. So much for independence. My Draig wondered why I was restaged -- it was from the patciularly nasty agressiveness of the genetic makeup of the fast growing tumor. I will kick it to the corner. I've decided there is no point in confusing my Granny who already doesn't know who I am (she's 97 and lives in London), though I am hoping she will get a chair so that she can go out of her apartment to the garden when spring blooms press forth, like the amaryllis on my shelf and the paperwhites that I am forcing in a jar -- the smell will be glorious.